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keepmesafe

It's biblical how fucked my sleep can be.

Posted on 2011.03.31 at 03:53
Current Location: Seattle. Washington
Current Mood: numbnumb
Current Music: Open Arms, Mariah Carey
I do spend the night searching for earthquakes. I am also the one waiting by the window waiting for you to kick down the door. I need to let go of all my downer thoughts. Then maybe there will be one less sad robot looking for a chance to be something more than just metal. Oh. The world is sleeping and I am numb.

How will you understand what this sleeplessness does to me? For me this is hard... The world around me is asleep, and I am here alone in my thoughtless thoughts. My mind seems to be spinning still. It's crazy.

I want to say I do not have a lot on my mind. I must if I am here. So lets break this scratched record of guilt and innocence.

I miss you.

My dad has not spoken to me in months due to extremely misleading actions of my brother. I should of known not to trust him. smdh. I always want to assume the best, and then I always look like an ass.

My brother is starting to try to get a hold of me wanting to have a relationship. Have I been pushed to far this time? I don't think I can go back.

My sister has seemed to replace our family with her fiancées. I can't say I blame her. Our family is... well... not a family.

I miss my nieces like crazy. I miss living with my sister, despite any fights we had, we were a family. Her me, Vaeh and Paul.

Little Man must sense my... exhaustion. He has his head on resting on my arm, making it quite hard to maneuver my hands on this keyboard.

I am really frustrated with myself for not finishing school with only 3 days left. I can always go back, but I cannot seem to shake this overwhelming feeling of failure. I feel like I let down everyone. I want to be able to make decisions and choices without feeling bad about it. Fuck.

In the back of my mind I always thought that my biological mother would come save me from all the sadness and guilt taking shelter in my chest. I am 4 years away from being 30 and I am realizing that my wish will never come true.

I need to get my shit together. Nearly 4am and I have an interview in the morning in Bellevue. Bah.

What happened to the carefree times 4 years ago? Have I changed that much? I am sleepless.


When I feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on me
Please take a moment and tame my wild heart
I feel like the walls are closing in on me
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon my door and I feel like I can't take anymore

I want you to be the one I call
If I jump will you break my fall?
Lift me up and fly away with me into the night
If I need to fall apart
Can you mend a broken heart?
If I need to crash and crash and burn
Will I be alone?

When I feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
I'm caught in a one way street
With the monsters in my head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
I feel like I can't face the day

I want you to be the one I call
If I jump will you break my fall?
Lift me up and fly away with me into the night
If I need to fall apart
Can you mend a broken heart?
If I need to crash and crash and burn
Will I be alone?

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over will I be able to breathe again?
Will i breathe again?

When I feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on me
Please take a moment and tame my wild heart

I want you to be the one I call
If I jump will you break my fall?
Lift me up and fly away with me into the night
If I need to fall apart
Can you mend a broken heart?
If I need to crash and crash and burn
Will I be alone?

Comments:


fihobaud at 2011-04-13 17:18 (UTC) (Link)
For some reason, I can’t see all of this content, stuff keeps hiding? Are you taking advantage of java?

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