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I put my dad in Jail

Posted on 2009.06.25 at 11:47
Current Location: home
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: birds outside
Tags: , ,
I honestly do not know where to even begin with this. >_< I am feeling like a horrible person, when I know I shouldn't. The reason I am even posting this is because I need to hear from someone that what I did was right.

So I grew up in a really abusive home. My dad beat the crap out of us kids, and not only our biological mother (whom took off and left us when i was 2 my bro was 1 and Shuston was just born) but also our step mom. We ended up living all over the place, and a lot of the time with my grammy. Most of you know that we lived in Hawaii for quite some time. I think that is when it all got worse. Our dad would make us watch him beat our step mother. We ended up in a shelter for battered women and children. Shit went on like this for years. Eventually our step mom found her way out, and my dad got remarried. As far as we know he never beat her, at least not in front of us. They have been married for 8 years now, and over the last year and a half things have gotten really bad. Btwn them, my dads failing health, and Kat getting hooked back on Drugs.

My brother told me a week or two ago that he Saw Kat with bruises all on her face. But that she told him the Dentist did it to her. What a crock of bull that is. We all know it. Then my sister saw Kat with two black eyes. My dad and kat acted like nothing happend, and the black eyes werent there.

So I finally go down on Friday, and at this point Kat is in 'hide out'. She is hiding from my dad because he beat the crap out of her. So I find her, I saw ALL of her bruises from head to toe. Burn marks from lighters on her legs. Strangulation marks on her neck. I felt a rage boil up inside of me so strong I could of, well commited a crime of passion as they would say.

Growing up as children in an abusive home, we could never do anything to help our mother or help ourselves from getting hurt. But NOW I CAN.

I refused to leave the house until she made her statement to the police. After a bunch of shinanigans on the five-os end, and when they actually showed up I wasnt at the house. I got a call frm my step sister saying that they were there and to come over, so I did. I sat there and talked with Nalia and her boyfriend while Kat gave her verbal and written statement, and while they took pictures of all of her bruises. They informed us that they cannot arrest my father because it was past the 4 hour time limit you have to call during a domestic violence situation. So Kat, Nalia and her Boyfriend all thanked me for staying and making sure this got done, I headed home. FINALLY.

Well that was last week. I got a call at almost 4 am from my brother saying that the police showed up at his door to arrest our dad.

We are all confused because we dont know why they would show up at 3-4 am to arrest him, when we were told in the first place he couldnt get arrested. Once my brother found out what the charges were once our dad was booked he called me. He is booked on Assult one and Kindapping. Assult one for the strangulation (which the officer said should be an assult 2, but for some reason it was changed to 1) and kidnapping for not allowing our step mom Kat to leave the apartment while she was getting beat.

So now everyone is upset that my dad is in Jail and they are all BLAMING ME! Kat, and Nalia are saying that they never wanted the police to be called in the first place. Kat told my brother that I gave the police his addy, (where my dad has been staying) which i didnt, it was Kat, it is even stated on her paper work. But my brother is on a rampage saying that i need to mind my own business now, and his charges shouldnt be this high.

I thought I did the right thing. Everyone knew that Kat was getting beat. Everone wanted my dad in jail until it actually happend. Now I am getting all the guff for it. How sane is this??!!

I know what I did was the RIGHT THING to do. This cycle has been going on for 24 years now? Since I was born? Before I was born? How many people have to get hurt? After seeing how hurt Kat was, and all of the bruises all over her body I had to do something. I couldnt let him hurt her anymore. She would of kept going back. That is how Domestic Violence Victims are. Women always go back. Its some fucked up psychological bull crap. Everyone was wanting to avoid the elephant in the room, but I couldnt do it anymore. I couldnt help my brother and sister or my Step mom Carol when they were getting the shit kicked out of them. No one could help me when I was getting the shit kicked out of me, but god damnit I can help Kat now. And that is what I thought I was doing.

But now she is saying that she never wanted him to go to jail, my brother is saying that what I did was wrong, even though just a week or so ago he wanted the same thing.
I feel so guilty. He is my ailing father. I love him, even after all the crap he has done. But after seeing Kat I just couldnt do this anymore. Someone has to stop him. Before he kills her. We all know she would keep going back.

Was I really wrong to put my father in jail?


(Deleted comment)
orchidsofdove at 2009-06-25 20:49 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much for your opinion. Stranger or not, it means a lot to me.

I could use the support right about now :) So thank you.
dripbat at 2009-06-26 00:59 (UTC) (Link)
You did NOTHING wrong. It serves him right and hopefully he will learn. I doubt it, but its better for your family that he is away from them. Sadly though, you're right she will more than likely go back to him. With cases like that a lot of women will get beaten to death before they ever figure out that what is happening is wrong. :(

BUt yeah, seriously hon. Don't let your family make you feel like you did something wrong. You didn't, and if I were in your shoes I would have done the same thing.
orchidsofdove at 2009-06-26 01:58 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much, I appreciate that so much. Really. I am slowly starting to feel better. But i dont know if that is because I am just not thinking about it, or what.
piplup at 2009-06-28 07:09 (UTC) (Link)
I know it's kinda weird to have a random person posting in your entry.. but yes, of course you did the right thing. You know it, and shouldn't need validation. I understand that your siblings want to defend your Father, but it's hard to defend something that severe. He sounds like he needs to learn a lesson, somehow, and hopefully you've taken a step toward that for him.
darkwool at 2009-06-28 14:48 (UTC) (Link)

Ramble from a random

Um, wow. Ok, so, I'm probably gonna freak you out a little commenting here given you most likely have zero clue who I am (note to you, I have seen you post a bit on the lj lesbian community) and I came here to look at your userinfo, and saw this entry and felt I had to comment on it.

I had/have an abusive dad, and I *wish* I had been able to do something about it the way you have. Instead, I descended to his level. I got bigger and stronger, he got older and weaker, and once he realised I wasn't going to cut him any kind of slack (no matter how old, drunk or pseudo-apologetic he was), he backed off. Now, I must admit, I am the asshole of the situation. But after two decades of abuse, I could care less - the rest of my family have all been severely emotionally scarred by it, so I have no qualms being a total jerk on behalf of my worn out mother, nervous wreck of a brother, and teary eyed sister. So hopefully you can see why I admire you so much, and take my situation as proof that you absolutely did the right thing (in that you triumphed over the shittiness rather than succumbing to it). You will probably cop blame on all sides for quite some time, my friend, but I hope you are able to hold on to this simple fact through all the rage you may be forced to endure: you did the right thing. Absolutely, 100%, no doubt, the right thing. The fact that you can even still love him blows my mind. I wish I had your kind of strength and courage, they are gifts of the highest order, and even greater is the gift of knowing when and how to use them. I congratulate you on all counts. I feel heartsick for you, suffering as you have/are, but through suffering we either better or lose ourselves, and you have certainly come up trumps, my friend.
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